Category Archives: Dept. of State Crimes

Shenanigans

The Scribblerist, Inc. has intercepted an intraoffice memo (with all names and identifiable details redacted) indicating the existence a secret brotherhood of destruction in his place of work. The sinister communique is posted here in it’s entirety.

It must be noted that the memo, while reeking of evil, has a certain stylistic flair.

Operation Retribution

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Columbus (Was A Bastard) Day

My teachers lied to me. Throughout grade school, Columbus Day was celebrated, picture books were read, and Dixie cups of Sprite and trail mix were enjoyed. Christopher Columbus was little more than a benevolent, cartoonish Italian. “Hey!” We would say to each other, “Gee! What a great guy, for discovering our country and all!”

No one bothered to mention that Christopher Columbus was a greedy, genocidal maniac.

It wasn’t until AP U.S. History in high school that I was told the truth: Columbus’ legacy is a trail of dead and enslaved that winds through the Caribbean. My teacher had us read, in addition to our “primary” text, Howard Zinn’s A People’s History of the United States, and as Matt Damon says in Good Will Hunting, “that book … knocked [me] on [my] ass.” Read some of Zinn’s work on Columbus here.

Shame on you teachers. You knew better. Every nation has, and needs, national myths, but when good historical research shows such a legend to be patently, offensively false, should we still have a national holiday in its memory?

Perhaps we should celebrate Pre-History Day and have school children reenact the harrowing journey across the land bridge from Asia. Or maybe we could inaugurate Native Americans Were Here First But Now They Are Third-Class Citizens Confined To Small Parcels of Poor Land Day.

I think the latter speaks for itself.

Your Friday Hyuck

To you, dear readers, I offer this fine illustration, courtesy of Married to the Sea.

The Scribblerist will be in the countryside this weekend, mooning about scenic glens and pleasant copses, dreaming up new delicacies for you, his adoring public.

Bush and Britney

Hendrick Hertzberg found this interesting comparison of the coverage of Britney’s MTV flop and Bush’s latest Lie-A-Thon on Iraq: read it here.