Each Friday, Keesup & I will bring you, our loyal readers, a list of things we hate for your amusement and catharsis. Feel free to respond with things that you hate.
This week’s Shit List:
1. David Schwimmer – You will never work again, Ross, and thank God for that.
2. People Who Name Their Children After Themselves – This is unacceptable for several reasons, chief among them a) the parents couldn’t be bothered to think of a name for their child. Sheer laziness. Also, b) the ego! What makes you, you parent, think that you deserve to be memorialized in the name of your child? You actually kind of sucked. Finally, c) it’s as if a family is hoping the son (this only happens with sons, right?) will be a slightly improved copy of the father. Example: “Richard Jard Dinkle IV is just like his father! Without the alcoholism or fatness, of course.”
3. Dust – Where does it come from? And it just settles on everything.
4. The Mets – The Mets are pretty much always on our shit list. But this week is special, as they participated in an collapse that coincided with the Phillie’s 13-4 run, managing to cough up the division on the last day of the season and miss the playoffs. What will the Yankees fans’ garbage men do now that they have no team to follow?
5. Blackwater USA – If Jesus can forgive these guys, I might have to rethink my stance on Jesus.
Keesup & Scrib.